I consider myself quite knowledgeable for my years, and over the past decade or so—it is probably even longer than that—there is a question which has puzzled me immensely, and no matter how much I ponder it, or in which way I attempt to see it, I simply cannot seem to figure it out: Why is being female the greatest of shames?

For my own part I have never wished to be anything else than female, and fact is that even if I were given one million dollars for being genetically altered to become male, I would pass the opportunity up, for I have never desired to be anything else than what I am. The reason for this is that I have always been female, I was made one; ever since the moment of conception, when I came into being for the first time, my twenty-third chromosomes have been homologous. Why this is a fate worth regretting a lifetime, I shall never understand.

Once upon a time—and in some places still—women were sacred creatures because they were the ones who gave birth to new life; they were the ones who illustrated the purpose of all human existence, both biologically as well as symbolically: the smiling sun upon the heavens is a goddess in many religions and Westerners still refer to their world as “Mother Earth”. For millennia the fertile female form has been celebrated, and its essence has been captured by skilled artists of ages past, some of their creations spared from the teeth of time for us to see.

Venus de Milo

Venus de Milo

But those figurines—whose beauty is easily appreciated—stem from ages now long lost. As man left his hunter-gatherer days to cultivate the land his life changed forever, the greatest change of them all however yet to come. But eventually, it did arrive, and the man of today is now the resident of an increasingly post-industrial world, a world in which being female is the greatest of shames.

All ages have their Venuses. The hunter-gatherers had their figurines, such as the Venus of Willendorf, whose true purpose still is disputed—was she a depiction of a goddess, a charm of fertility, or was she simply a piece of art celebrating the beauty of the feminine? The agriculturalists had the true Venuses—the ones who gave their name to the morning star—and the Venus de Milo is still admired by millions every year. The industrialists too have ideal female beauties, but they are no longer celebrated in the same way.

No, the Venuses of industrialisation are raised to feel ashamed over having been cursed already at conception, they are taught that having homologous twenty-third chromosomes is being of lesser worth; the woman of today knows that she is inferior to any man. At least, this is the sole explanation I have come up with in regards to the question I mentioned before: Why is being female the greatest of shames?

In the industrial world the ideal woman is the one who pursues a career; for some reason she has ceased to value herself and instead elevated men to the skies. A modern woman shall not be content until she is identical to a man, and I am terribly sorry for being the one who brings her the news; but this, her ultimate goal, shall never be. She will never grow a beard and speak with a low tone of voice by natural means, for she is a woman—she should take pride in that!

Why Should They Do It?

Why Should They Do It?

Were women an obsolete a part of humanity they would all have been male, but considering how I am no man, there must be a reason for why there are women and why there are men. Fact is that they have different roles to fill, both equally important, despite not being the same. To say such a thing, as I just said, is however forbidden—and very strangely so. Again, I say, this can stem from no reason other than women refusing to acknowledge that they are equal to men.

The world is not fair, if it was, there would be neither males nor females, they would all be the same; both would be equipped with ovaries as well as testes—but such an egalitarian society I highly doubt I will ever see! To make up for this unfair a truth, nature is however most compassionate and makes sure that a foetus during gestation is exposed to hormones that eventually shall make it content with its lot. At least, this has worked in the case of me—I am a delighted female, I desire nothing more, but as far as the rest of humanity is concerned, I simply do not know.

Somewhere, deep inside, even the most female-despising of women must realise that she is seeking revenge for her fate in the wrong way, however so convinced of her own inferiority that she disregards from this and presses on in the pursuit of a goal she believes herself desiring to attain. And, when confronted with something that makes her uncomfortable, she charges and goes to attack instead of pondering its contents. To all such women I have one thing to say: An empty cart makes much noise, a full cart less so.

However, even broken clocks are right twice a day, and the situation of women has indeed improved. No longer need any woman die from complications in childbirth, and she is allowed to vote and to make her voice heard. No longer is a woman kept from making a career, she is allowed to seek the intellectual challenges which all human beings crave. This, I cannot critique—I have no reason to. What I do critique is that women believe themselves being of lesser worth. They are not, why do they even believe so?

There is no need for me to state facts—no-one will listen—but I tell you this—and you may consider it and draw your own conclusions—but ever since women started to doubt their value the world has started to shake. When the people who mattered most to the future of man have abandoned the most glorious of tasks, the consequences can be nothing but severe. All it takes is an open mind and a pair of eyes—look around!—is this world of ours a society that thrives? Something has gone wrong in this most modern age of man, and it is only because some people doubt themselves. I hate to point the finger—so I shall not do so—for those who are responsible know deep within who they are.

The celebrated modern woman is no longer a feminine beauty, she is an aspiring male. How has this come to be? What is it that makes women believe that they are worthless do they not live the life of a man? Shall the world ever come to acknowledge the simple fact that life is not fair, but that one’s lot still is better than none? It is with the greatest of regrets that I say that this I do not know; I know many things but the answer to these questions are still shrouded in mystery to me. One day, however, I intend to change this; one day, I shall know and make sure to tell you, for I believe that being female is just as fine a fate as being male.

Be proud of who you are, do not attempt to change! Take pride in being yourself, for people who know their worth and value have nothing to prove.

Finally, I shall say that man is a creature who learns from his own mistakes; a fact which delights me as the more educated man becomes the more ignorant shall he realise himself to be. And when his ignorance has been realised, there will no longer be any need for the goddesses to be ashamed.

It Is Taboo To Believe

January 18, 2008

In this modern world of ours, it is not allowed to believe that one is worth the slightest thing. To imagine that one is destined for greater things in life is a sin. The world revolves around such these modern ideas, that the world is a collective and that all people are equals.

People may be equal in worth, but not in destiny. Everyone is said to deserve, and have the right to, a better life – a life of health and happiness. Though none of this is untrue, I find that World contradicts itself on a regular basis. In my head I simply can not balance the equation.

If World claims that people deserve to be healthy and happy, that these two conditions are basic human rights, then how can World teach that no person is allowed to see themselves as deserving of a better life? In theory everything may be perfect, but in practice, it is not.

The society which has raised me has taught me that I am no one. I am no one to say that I am a good person, that I deserve anything in life. That I have feared to proritize myself has led to my current state of mind.

I am a nursing student, and a terribly unhappy one, for what it matters. I had a vision of changing the world, but half a year has destoryed most of me. My health has been on the decline since day one, and with it,my happiness. My inspiration is gone with the wind, the flame of my passions has turned to ashes.

That I feel like person destined for greater things in life, is not accepted. No one should excel, for if one person does, the rest of the world may feel that they are of lesser worth. They are not, for all people are unique.

Some people make excellent nurses because they are caring and have hearts of gold. They are genuinely interested in the welfare of others. Some people make excellent jewelers because they are creative and have the yes needed for detailed work. Some people make great doctors, for they have the wits and patience to go through the many years leading to their certification, they too, care about people.

Among all these people, who all are different, and of equal worth, some are different. Some people are not like others, just because everyone is unique. But these people are destined to lead lives of unhappiness, all because their success would outshine others’.

I often feel that I lack the words to express my frustration. I will let the law that defines the society I have been born as part of express it instead of me.

The Jante Law:

  • Don’t think that you are special.
  • Don’t think that you are of the same standing as us.
  • Don’t think that you are smarter than us.
  • Don’t fancy yourself as being better than us.
  • Don’t think that you know more than us.
  • Don’t think that you are more important than us.
  • Don’t think that you are good at anything.
  • Don’t laugh at us.
  • Don’t think that anyone cares about you.
  • Don’t think that you can teach us anything.

If a mentality, like the one by the law expressed above, is allowed to guide the decisions of a society’s people, do you imagine that the people will turn out as a happy people? From my own experience, I can say no.

The people of my country all have the same expression, the expression I have found myself exhibiting as of late. There is no glint in any eye, the lips are tightly pressed together, all views are blank stares. The colors are matte, the atmoshpere depressed. And it is all because the people have been taught, since childhood, that they are not worth a thing.

An excerpt from the Wikipedia article concerning Swedish Culture:

Swedes have an egalitarian outlook. The concept of Jante Law is in many areas and fields still today strong in Sweden, and any form of elitism is likely to meet strong criticism. This attitude goes in hand with the Swedish lagomhet, the appraisal of modesty and humbleness.

I have a suffocating feeling come over me at times. Recently, it is like it never has left my side. Day as night I have a mare clenching my chest, squeezing life out of me. I feel that this world is not mine, that there is nothing I can do to pull myself off the ground and soar.

(The mare I will never be rid of, for she is part of me. My mind has summoned her presence, and one can not rid oneself of one’s demons, does one not want them to go away.)

I would never make a great nurse. I may make a good nurse, but people who are in need of care and kindness are not in need of good nurses – they need great nurses, nurses who are passionate about their profession.

I would never make a great jeweler. I may make a good jeweler, but any successful one nees to be passionate. No matter how many noble stones and shimmering objects I were to be surrounded by, the mare compressing my chest would whisper in my ear, tell me that I am destined for greater things in life.

I would never make a great doctor. I may make a good doctor, but I would lack the passion and commitment. For, in my eyes, my life would be over by the time I finished my medical studies. I am a free spirit, I am a carefree soul. My heart would roam the vast praries was it ever allowed to. To spend 7 years of my life enrolled in studies of subjects with a common goal, would be the end of me.

No, I would never make a great anything – not a jeweler like I wish to be, nor a nurse as I am on my way to be. Neither would I make a good doctor, as everyone tells me to be. The reason for this is that I would feel my life lacked something.

I feel this already, the lack of a spice in life. The spice of new innovations, of success. For, I want to make a name for myself, I wish to become someone. The Law of Jante, having told me to never believe I am someone, has made my carefree soul tire. It wishes to soar, to throw the stupid laws onto their back, leave them squiggling in the mud.

But to tell the world that I am worth something. No, that will never happen. It is not accepted. It is taboo to actually believe in oneself. It is a sin to believe that one is more than others.

And yet, this is what I feel. I am destined for greater things, I have a superior mind. The people who my days are filled with, they may be sweet and kind, but I lack their passion. The people who I study with, they will all make great nurses one day, no doubt, but I will not. These sweet people do however struggle, they find the studies challenging. It is this which has made me aware of that I am destined for other things. I sleep in class (though my eyes are open) and still I excel. To lead such a life is not challenging and will eventually start to degrade one from the passionate core and beyound.

The dreams I had of one day changing the world for the better, they are all gone my now. The blazing embers that fueled my passions, they have been put out. Whatever part of me that was eunthusiastic has been turned to grey ashes. One breath – and they will turn to the finest dust, easily carried away by the wind.

Upon seeing myself in a mirror, this is exactly what I see – my face degrading into fine, grey ashes. The slightest breath wears me down, and whatever I am constructed by is carried away to a far away place.

It is hurtful to see one go through all this, and all because of a society’s disturbed ideals. That everyone should be the same, that the gifted should sattle for the second best, so no one is to be hurt. My whole life I have however been left wondering – “What about the gifted, what about those who excel? Who is to care for these people? Who will see to their best?”

A society which does not appreciate the talent that is hidden within, should not be allowed to exist.

I find myself an increasingly cynical person, someone without a place in life. Every morning and evening when I pass by my bedroom mirror, I am forced to close my eyes. For, I know that beyound the silver glass, there is a reflection of a broken person. The broken person is every morning and evening turned to ashes and carried away by the wind.

To be destined for great things is hard, especially when it is taboo to believe.

A Footnote:

Upon reading this text through, I realize that I failed to get my point across. I lost it during writing this block of text. At least I was relieved of some angst.

I do however hope that you do not judge me for my views, just as much as you judge a cettle for boiling when placed above a fire.

If there is but one thing I know (I wish it was what I want to spend my life doing, but sadly, that revelation I am still on the market for) it is that I can not stay in this country in which I have been raised.