A Sleepless Night

July 16, 2008

Though I perhaps went to bed at too late an hour, it is something I am used to. Most often, it takes my mind a couple of hours to fully relax and fall asleep, but during some nights, I seem unable to recall the mental processes required for succeeding in carrying out such a task.

My logic is at times impeccable, if I dare say so myself, and I am of the stubborn conviction that all which is necessary for one to fall asleep is to simply lie down, close one’s eyes and relax. Sleep is the reasonable conclusion of such a succession of acts. And still, my being seems unable to manage to complete those three steps. Somewhere, along the way, despite my efforts, I fail.

As dawn broke and the sun started to color the trees’ most persistantly reaching branches with its gold, and the birds started to sing a symphony dedicated to the new day and its rosy morning, I lay in my bed, twisting and turning, unable to find peace.

A few other hours passed during which I covered my head with a thick pillow to mute the birds’ delight and to rid myself of the too intimate beams of the sun. Though, none of my efforts bore fruit, and I admitted that my struggle was futile, and I surrendered.

Upon rising from the bed where I rarely find rest and peace of mind, I was no beauty; my eyes were swollen and my face expressionless. Truly! the punishment one suffers, being unable to snare the elusive maiden of sleep, is most severe.

Three slices of toast–lemon marmelade, orange marmelade, ginger marmelade–and a cup of black tea of of low viscosity composed my first meal of the day, all chosen with great care to ensure my mind’s attention would not falter at such an early hour.

Though now, with a few hours having passed since such a shock rich in both sugar and caffeine, I can feel my whole being screaming out in despair, longing for the blessings of sleep. I do however know that no matter the strength of my desires, I am destined to never truly enjoy the fruits of my efforts, as when I go to bed this evening, having slept little over the past weeks, I am once again going to be unable to complete the simple task of falling into the unconsciousness of night.

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