The Downfall of Humanity

June 9, 2008

One of the greatest curses of all must be to be born human – sentient but still not wise enough to understand. Ever since the dawn of time we have evolved, but I dare say that it has not been for the better, not that the life of a human has ever been good. Nowadays our society is balancing on the edge, a nose-thumbing action toward a being that does not exist, a dare-devil act to prove a fact that is not true. I fear for my future, for the world will not be able to stay balanced for much longer. It has been losing its footing for some time now.

I am not smart enough to be considered smart, nor am I stupid enough to be considered stupid. I am a person of two inbetweens, and I believe that it is my curse. During my entire life I have dreamt of accomplishing something, but my liited understanding has prevented me from doing so. I do not know what events in my past have scarred me so that I require appreciation in order to remain sane. Can you image? A person of limited understanding who requires appreciation? Can there even be such a thing? – I hear you ask. I am the ultimate proof of that it is true.

I believe that I unintentionally said something that made two successful scientists reconsider what they have written. I think I made them wonder if their ideas were so clumpsily presented as I made them appear. I am a person of limited understanding, but with the aspiration of being seen as someone whose views are worth looking into. But through my action of not understanding, to twist their words, I guess it can be read out as that all I really did was to seek attention, and it failed.

Can you imagine what life is like when you have to spend every minute of every day in the company of the one person in the world that you can not stand? I can not stand my own person, and I am forever trapped in the same body as myself. There does not pass a day during which I wish that I were someone else, someone who has accomplished something, someone who understands, someone who is not as stupid as I.

I really do not believe that my life is going well. I have over the years tried to make others like me to the extent that I forgot who I am. Though over a year has passed since I realized this for the first time, I yet have to come up with an answer to the age-old question of who I am. I know who I wish to become, I know who I wish I were. But if I do not know who I am, then I will never be able to change.

I am a person who is all alone in this world, I have no one to turn to. For someone who requires a great deal of affection in order to feel somewhat good about oneself, it is hard. I turned to the person who has cared for me over the years, tried to explain what I am going through. Though human psychology is never straight-forward. The mind likes to camouflage its requests. And, even though the person to whom I turned claims that they understand the workings of the mind, they did not understand me. So, instead of the encouraging speech I had looked forward to listening to, I got the exact opposite. I wish for that I just once in my life can be allowed to listen to a pep-talk aimed at me, one that does not make me turn my head in order to conceal the tears of deafeat that are rolling down my cheeks.

I do not believe that the world is a beautiful place. I once did – proof of my stupidity and lack of understanding. It was however quite a while since I started to realize, and now I know. I have felt the world’s loss of footing and I am dreading its downfall. People in general try not to notice, but I know that over the past 50 years or so the world has found itself sliding down a slippery slope at an accelerating speed.

What my heart’s greatest desire is, I can not speak of. The world has leant too far away from the time during which my greatest desire would have been celebrated. Now, in the modern world, I may not utter what I believe the point of my life is, simply out of fear for retaliation.

It is a world which has lost its footing that we live in. I am smart enough to have realized this, but I am not smart enough to be listened to. Young people are allowed to cheat because no one cares about their future. Young people are allowed to suffer because their most hearfelt desires are looked down upon.

It is a terrible world I have been born into and I believe that my humanity is my curse. Had I not been human I would have survived the downfall of all human societies, the downfall which is near.


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