Cynism is Not For Me

January 8, 2008

I have decided that a while now has passed. That decision also brings (yet another) revelation – that I am eddicted to sharing my thoughts. Ah, well, there are far more (and less philosophical) things to be addicted to.

The point of this journal (which I shall try to keep as short as Josephinely possible) is that life never should be affected by the bad choices one is bound to make. At least not in the long run.

My heart has already made a decision and it is that it is on strike until further notice. (Further notice being when I have rid myself of my demons (i.e. dropped out of nursing school).) Until I have done that, I will not be truly happy.

I am sure there are poeple in this world who can live with not being truly happy, but I am not one of them. I am the kind of person who would choose happiness and love over money.

Part of being human is to make mistakes. We learn through practice.

Oscar Wilde said:
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

A common saying says [upon the topic of mistakes]:
It human to make mistakes.” or “Failing is human. Just don’t stop trying.

And, you will have to agree with me upon this, that even if one makes one bad mistake, it should not disease one’s entire existance. We should learn from the mistakes of the past for they are the revelations of tomorrow.

I will list some bad choices I have made before:

  • Eaten sand
  • Go fishing without bringing anyone to actually kill the fish for me
  • Bully people twice my size
  • Believe people when they say that I fail
  • Not stand up for my views

And these I have learnt to never do again (OK, almost)! Then why should I have to follow through and suffer from having made the greatest mistake of my life?

I agree that I yet do not know what to do with my life, but at least I know what to not do with my life. Like eating sand or finishing nursing school.

I have realized, that I have only one life and I must treasure it. Everyone should treasure their own lives and not do things because it will make others happy.

Should I follow through with my nursing studies, and against all odds actually practice as a nurse, I will be the sadistic nurse you have all met and despise and fear. I will be the nurse who hates her life and her job and the entire world, and most of all you who needs her help. She does not want to help you, she wants to see your eyes bleed. Because she wishes she was someone else, just that she has not had the courage to follow her dream.

I am often too cocky for my own good and when I am not I have to learn to be. This world gives nothing for free (capitalistic as it is (it is sad really)) and in order to get something one has to fight for it.

For in the end, all that matters is that one is happy (and I who am fairy-tale poisoned actually believe in that!). For, when one is happy, everyone else around one is happy too.

You have to agree. Reading my depressed rants is not fun. You want to read happy journals, happy revelations, not cynical, sadistic ones. For, you all want to believe that the world is a blessed place and that we all should be happy. You believe this deep inside even if you are the cynical person I have decided not to be.


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